Never play leapfrog with a unicorn - Murphey
ET's of the Galaxy, Unite! 
Help Stamp out people!
"If you pray hard enough, water will run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough for water to run uphill, of course!" - L.Long
"A person who won't be blackmailed, cant be blackmailed." - L.Long
"Anything you get free costs more than it is worth, but you don't find out until later." - Bernardo de la Paz
If it's sinful, it's more fun.
"Being intelligent is not a felony. But most societies evaluate it as at least a misdemeanour." - L.Long
"It's far better to have a bastard in the family than an unimployed son-in-law." - Jubal Harshaw
"Has it ever occured to you that God may be a Committee?" - Jubal Harshaw
Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.
"Supreme excellence in war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." - Sun Tzu, ca. 350 B.C.
"The mice voted to bell the cat." - Aesop
"'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the spider to the fly."
"'Cooperate with the inevitable' means 'Roll with the punch' - it does not mean stooling for the guards." - L.Long
The early worm deserves the bird.
Here, on the afternoon of June 5th, 1834, nothing of any importance happened.
This way to see the egress.
"I shot an error into the air. It's still going.... everywhere." - L.Long
"It does not pay a prophet to be too specific." - L. Sprague de Camp
"Yo never get rich peddling gloom." - William Lindsay Gresham
"The most expensive thing in the world is the second best millitary establishment." - R.A.Heinlein
"Always store beer in a dark place" - L.Long
"Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking." - L.Long
"The game is rigged., Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win." - L.Long
"Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proven innocent" - L.Long
"Always listen to experts. They tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it." L.Long
"Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough for your second shot to be perfect." - L.Long
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it's not science; it's an opinion." - L.Long
"Most 'scientists' are bottle washers and button sorters." - L.Long
"A generation which ignores history has no past - and no future." L.Long
"What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!" -  L.Long
"Small change can often be found under seat cushions" -  L.Long
"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired" - L.Long
"If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people" - L.Long
Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
"It is better to copulate than never." - L.Long
"All men are created unequal" - L.Long
"Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well." - L.Long
"A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate." - L.Long
"You can have peace, or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once." - L.Long
"Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark." - L.Long
"An elephant : A mouse built to government specifications" - L.Long
"A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld." - L.Long
"A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. This may be the purpose of the universe." - L.Long
"Courage is the compliment of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. He is also a fool." - L.Long
"Anyone who cannot cope with maths is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make a mess in the house." - L.Long
"Everybody lies about sex" - L.Long
"You live and learn. Or you don't live long." - L.Long
"Do not handicap your children by making their life easy." - L.Long
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Dislexics of the world. Untie!
"You are gun-fodder and human slaves in a high-profit business called war."  - Chechen President Aslan Maskhadov
"All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates." -- Woody Allen
But has any little atom, While a-sittin' and a-splittin', Ever stopped to think or CARE That E = m c^2 ?
BTW, FWIW, IMHO, AFAIK, yes. OTOH, AAMOF, maybe not. YMMV.
Don't make me use uppercase...
The Web isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
The e-mail of the species is deadlier than the mail.
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
In The Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."' - Isaac Asimov
A red sign on the door of a physics professor: 'If this sign is blue, you're going too fast.'
665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast
A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. - Doug Linder
A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
Beta testers who lie! Next time on Geraldo!
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N)
FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing...
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once every few weeks, killing everyone inside.
Intel: We put the 'um...' in Pentium.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred...
'Apple Macintosh' - An anagram of 'Complaints Heap'
A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.
Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Love is Hate. War is Peace. Windows is stable.
M.A.C.I.N.T.O.S.H. - Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. 'No' is the answer!
Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait,
Name one nice thing about Windows? It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
Your mouse has moved. Windows must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]
'Veni, Vidi, Velcro' - I came, I saw, I stuck around.
"The game of catch has never been so fun!" - inventor of the hand grenade.
5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
A hush fell over the courtroom, injuring six
A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ...
A rock --> me <-- A hard place
Anything in parenthesis can (not) be ignored.
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Every 10 seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Help, I've fallen and I can't... Hey, nice carpet!
I doubt therefore I might be.
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
In the beginning was the word. And the word was "Aardvark".
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)
Opportunity knock only once, if you hear a second knock it's probally a Jehovah's witness.
Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy.
The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.
The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
The early bird still has to eat worms.
There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it.
This email is never sent unsolicited. It is only sent to you because you are lucky enough to know the sender.
Two people in every one is a schizophrenic.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES!
Why not have your cake and eat it too - it's cake, what else are you going to do with it?
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
"Nearly everything you read signed "from God" is just somebody putting their words in My mouth." - God
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?